Black Woman Redefined Blog

“It is never too late to have a life, and never too late to change one.”–Nike, Just Do It (1990)

It’s that time again–New Year’s Eve 2011 is about 5 hours and counting here on the East Coast and almost 8 hours away for those in the West or around the world.

2011 was quite a year for me. I have much to be thankful and grateful for as do we all. I became a published author by a major US Publishing house. My book was a nationwide top seller, received national coverage in Essence, Ebony, CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NightLine, Tom Joyner, Michael Baisden, Philadelphia Inquirier, USATODAY and more and it won the 2011 African American Literary Award for Best Non-Fiction Book in a very competitive field with several perrienniel New York Times Best-Sellers.  I also got to travel our great country on a book and college tour that will continue throughout 2012. It was truly a humbling and exciting year for me professionally and socially.

Yet, as I came into the last 8 weeks or so of 2011, I was faced with a series of serious personal challenges that rocked me to my core. Like most of us, I had to keep going, put on my game face and do my best to muddle through. But as I head into a new year, a new season of my life (as I turn 45 on January 5th (just 4 days from now)), I have made but one RESOLUTION for 2012 and that is this: I have none.  My one goal, my one desire, my one MUST do Action item for 2012 is to be simply and truthfully, unapologetically and Authentically Sophia Redefined.

I would gently urge all of you to seriously consider the following things I am about to offer because I am living everything I am about to say in my own life right now, so it is coming from a place of real time–it’s time to make a decision and be about the doing, instead of the talking as my good friend Jacquie Martin likes to say.

All of us know that around the last week of December we all get frenzied, crazed and focused on what we need to do in a New Year ahead. The problem is, and studies prove this that 90% or more of people who make resolutions to lose weight, get closer to God, build new lives, give up on those resolutions within 6 weeks or less and go right back to their old habits and comfort zones.  So my guidance and suggestion for all who care to listen is to NOT fall into that trap. Instead focus on these five things that I believe are at the very core of what makes us happy, fulfilled and complete as human beings:

1. Get Your Mind Right in 2012. Simply put everything we think about we bring about. If you think negative thoughts, hold on to hurt, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness you will die a long and painful emotional death. You will still be living my friends, but you will become the walking dead. Trust me on this. Your body follows your mind. If you mind is sick your body will be sick. If you are carrying a spirit of heaviness and hurt; your body will be heavy and hurt. Denial is a beautiful thing until it catches up with YOU. And it always does. Heal your mind and you will heal your LIFE.

2. Know Your Value in 2012: Sounds trite but it is so true–If you don’t love YOU first no-one else will. The fact is we teach people how to treat us.  Get rid of the tapes you were fed as a kid. Get rid of negative messages others gave you about you. Throw off old definitions that put you in a box and that limit not unleash your potential. Love you. Treasure you. Put you first and others will respect your value and worth. Trust me on this.

3. Reconnect with those You Love in 2012: Ask yourself a hard question: what do I do with my time everyday? What do I value? How do I spend my time? Why am I so busy? Do I give my kids, spouse, parents, siblings, friends and loved ones my best? If we are all honest, 99% of us fall real short in this area of our lives. Do better in 2012. Get your mind right and get your priorities right as time is not our friend folks. It waits for none of us.  Live your life and reconnect with the people that matter to you in 2012.

4. Allow yourself to be Loving & Vulnerable in 2012: This is it here folks. Where the rubber meets the proverbial road.  Everything we are, everything we want starts with a desire to be loved and to feel valued; worthy. But love can only come (boy did I learn this late in my life) from an open heart and the ability to be vulnerable in our lives. Be open. Be vulnerable. Let people see your heart. Let them love you, help you, nurture and support you. It will change your life.

5. Surround Yourself with Winners, Builders, Prayers in 2012: The Bible says that the power of life and death is in the tongue. The Bible says to walk in the counsel of the Godly. The Bible says that two are better than one; that iron sharpens iron and so forth. The premise is that we are NOT meant to live this life alone. That we need help. That what people speak to us, about us, or around us seeps into our hearts, minds, souls. So surround yourself with people that speak life into you. That build you up. That nurture your spirit. That are there for you. That you can trust and who can trust you. Have a prayer circle in your life. A love circle of sisters and gents who you can share anything with and trust that they GOT YOU!  This is the most critical piece of advice any of us can take. Trust me. I know.

I pray you have a blessed and wonderful start to 2012 tonight and on New Year’s Day.  Live your passion. Redefine your life, on your own terms!

Love,

Sophia

So another Christmas has come and gone and we find ourselves once again at December 26th, the day after, wondering where all our time, money and energy went as we gaze upon opened gifts under the tree, and reflect on our fondest memories of yesterday.

Yet, as I look back on the past year and prepare for a new one, I could not help but think about the fact that so many of our fellow Americans yesterday, and people around the globe do not have enough food to eat, clothing to wear, or love in their lives to sustain them through the holidays, much less the new year that is upon us.

We know that the holiday season is very hard on single people, homeless or displaced people, our Military Troops serving abroad, and children who have no families. And, what I find most ironic, is that none of it has to be so.

America is still the shining city sitting on a hill for all the world to see. We are still posses the biggest hearts, minds, and souls when it comes to caring for the world’s sick, lost, abused, maligned and besieged.  But as the good preacher said yesterday something has happened to us as people; as a human race.  Many if not most of us, have an invisible sign hanging on the doorway to our hearts that says “do not disturb”-”vacancy”-”no more room left” or worse. We are more disconnected now than ever.

Today, I want to simply challenge myself and all of you to remove that signage from your heart and make a commitment in 2012 to do something quite simple: Make love a daily way of life. I reprinted below the lyrics below from a favorite holiday song by Celine Dione. I listen to it each Christmas season over and over because the words touch my heart. But, the test is can I, do I strive to live the words each day.

If life has taught me nothing else in my 44 years it is that life is so fragile, so innocent, so precious and such a vapor. It is gone before we know it and as you approach 50 years of age you began to grasp how blessed you are for each new day God gives you.  This year, my goal is to not save it all for the hustle and bustle of Christmas day. To give a little love everyday. I hope you will join me, and I pray that you had a blessed Christmas and will have an even better New Year’s Day!

Love,

Sophia

********************************************

“Don’t Save It All For Christmas Day”

(Don’t Save It All by Celine Dione)

******************************

Editor Note: **below is a reprint of an article I wrote in January 2009, upon the Inauguration of President Barack Obama.  The picture far left was taken of us that night in ’09, and the one to the right was taken this summer ’11.

My nieces, like the President are the product of a black father and white mother. I wrote a letter to them while on AIR on BET offering election commentary as it became clear America had elected its first black President. In thinking about what I am grateful for this Thanksgiving I can think of nothing more important to me than these two little girls! I dedicated chapter 9 of my award winning book “Black Woman Redefined” to them. Alex & Mikaela thank you for being the light of my life!

Sophia & Her Two Nieces Alexandra (10) & Mikaela (6), at the Kid’s Inaugural Concert in honor of our U.S. Military Families, January 19, 2009.

2011 has been the best of times and the worst of times in my life. But on this Thanksgiving Day I have much to be grateful for.  No matter what circumstance we may find ourselves in on this day, we all have something or someone we can fall to our knees and thank God for blessing our lives with.

As I sit down gazing out my window from my kitchen, drinking a nice hot cup of cinnamon coffee, I see the splendor of the seasons changing. Autumn is gone, and winter is coming. So is the case for the seasons of our lives.

Thanksgiving reminds us that we all need a balm in the winter and cool in the summer. We all need love. Life is nothing after all if we have not love.  The older I get the more I become clear on this one truth: I can take nothing with me, and I can leave nothing behind me.  But love is an everlasting gift I can give to others and when we love freely, that love returns full over and over again to us if we only have the courage to embrace it.

As 2011 comes to a close, and we venture into the winter holiday season I’d ask us all to think about the metaphor of winter and what it can mean to us if we use the time wisely.  Albert Camus once wrote, “In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” I am right there. Winter is a time for us to go inward, rest, rejuvinate, redirect and redefine our vision for the new year ahead.  If we prepare well in the winter of our lives, we are sure to reap a wonderful harvest in the spring and summer that is sure to follow.

On this special day when we gather with family and friends, I hope each of us will PAUSE and tell the people we love that we love them. Do it today. For tomorrow is not promised. When our loved ones are gone we cannot tell them we love them, we cannot apologize for any wrongs, we cannot kiss their faces, or hold their hands. Time is not our friend. Through the seasons of our lives so many of us in this time are too busy, too stressed, to overworked, and too burdened. Then the final season of winter comes; death and we have wasted our treasure on accumulating things, instead of spending our time on the only thing that matters: LOVE.

Today vow to “let it go”; whatever it is LET IT GO. And be unafraid to let go of people who aren’t in your corner. Be unapologetic for letting go of those who already let go of you long ago. Value your friends, invest in your friendships. Stop running after fame, fortune, and things at the expense of laughter, joy, love, and family. As ever I am preaching to me most of all.  I wish you love today and everyday that you have on this fabulous journey called life. Be thankful and give thanks today and always!

In his Grip,

Sophia Angeli Nelson

By Sophia A. Nelson, Esquire Special to Essence

We live in a time where the images of African American women often exist in extremes.

On the one hand we have First Lady Michelle Obama and all that she brings that is so positive and powerful about us, and on the other we have “Basketball Wives,” “Celebrity Apprentice,” and the “Housewives of Atlanta” depicting us as strident, raucous and downright mean.

We rarely see the image of Black women in balance, harmony, service and restoration. We rarely see average everyday working and professional black female Nurses, teachers, doctors, lawyers, tech experts, artists, entrepreneurs, ministers, engineers, hairstylists, make-up artists, journalists, and small business owners come together to heal themselves and in doing so, heal others who are less fortunate and in need.

PHOTOS: 20 Inspirational Celebrity Quotes

I had occasion as a journalist to witness over 50 ordinary hard-working women engage in extraordinary efforts to restore themselves to wholeness, rest, wellness, and balance. We laughed, we cried, we shared, we swam, we ate, and made merry–and in doing so, we also helped to “restore hope” to school aged children ages 4 through 12 in one of this hemisphere’s poorest nations: Dominican Republic (which after the Haiti earthquake of 2010 is now home to many Haitian orphans and families).

What made restoration so meaningful for me, however, wasn’t the fabulous spa treatments, sister fellowship, or the five star resort we were staying in (The Sanctuary in Punta Cana, Dominica, a property now managed by Salamander Hotels & Spa, owned by philanthropist Sheila Johnson). All of that was wonderful, but what made this trip meaningful for me was that Michelle Hargrove, the founder of Restoration Weekend, understood that the women who came to the Caribbean to restore themselves, also needed to leave their “heart print” with hundreds of school aged kids, who needed school uniforms, and school supplies. Hargrove wanted to change their lives, if even in a small way, for the better.

And change it she and her band of “restored” sisters did!

PHOTOS: 40 Black Women Who Rock

The night before we all traveled by bus to Centro Educativo de Nazareth School, a bunch of us were stuffing bags, and sorting school supplies. As Michelle looked humbly out over the sea of 200 gift bags, and the dozens of blue polo shirts, school supplies, skirts, pants and shoes she said, “This is just an incredible outpouring of love these women have demonstrated with their gifts. Every child will get a bag with something in it and that will make such a difference in their lives if even for one day. It gives them hope that someone cares.”

Mrs. Jean Dye, who is part of the International Circle of Friends, and met Hargrove through a mutual friend in Newark, New Jersey, was onsite for the Restoration visit. She told me, “The cost to educate each child is approximately $7.00 per child, per month or in many cases the kids go for free or out of the generosity of the Guzman’s—sometimes bartering for work or skills takes place in order for kids to go to school.” Dye, who is a philanthropist and wife of International Golf Course Developer PB Dye works with the school founders, Victor & Neri Guzman to support their incredible efforts. The school which is self financed, started in December 2006, and serves approximately 250 poor children in Bavaro-Punta Cana, more than 50% of the children are Haitian.

PHOTOS: 40 Great Quotes from Past and Present

As Dye watched the children swarm the women with hugs she had tears in her eyes and quipped, “I hope these ladies know the enormous feeling of self-esteem each child will have now that they have their own shoes, back pack, clothes. I am just overwhelmed by the generosity. A good thing has happened here and will never be forgotten by this community.”

As for the women who attended and had a chance to experience personal restoration and project Restoring Hope:

“Restoration proved to be a time to not only restore my mind and soul, but it allowed me to sow good into the lives of children.” Said Atlanta based social media expert Robin M. Ware. Another event speaker, Mia K. Wright Co-Pastor the Fountain of Praise, in Houston said, “Going to the school reminded me of how blessed we are and that we have a humane responsibility to help the less fortunate. My heart was pricked to see the smiles on their faces. They felt our sincerity and love, we felt their gratitude.” Renowned OB/GYN Dr. Tomeka Strickland noted: “As a busy physician I rarely get to rest, it was an opportunity to take a rest from an intense schedule. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of and the quality of connection with 50 other amazing women. Amidst this phenomenal experience our time was balanced with an emotional and rewarding visit to the Centro de Nazareth School.” And lastly, Dianna Jones, Esq. added, “My experience during Restoration and at the Nazareth school we visited was life changing. Restoration weekend renewed, restored, and revived my spiritual, emotional, and mental foundations.”

Sister Sunday Take-Away: These women made a difference by first taking care of themselves and then by having enough love, compassion and spirit to share with these children. There is a life lesson here for us all who are often too busy, too harried, too worried and too stressed: Restoration really does lead to hope.

Sophia A. Nelson is an award winning author, Essence.com contributor and Freelance journalist who covers the White House and Politics in Washington, DC