Black Woman Redefined Blog

Anyone who knows me well, knows that Genesis 2:18 is the verse of scripture that I love most. It is an early revelation into the mind and heart of God and how He values the importance of “Relationship”. After resting from all of His good work during the creation of the world God takes time to reflect on His most valued creation: Adam (man).

Then God speaks and says:

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.” verse 18: The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

There it is folks. God lays it down right then and there. So for all of you 21st Century new age guru types, perpetual bachelors and bachelorettes who keep feeding people a load of nonsense that SELF is everything; that SELFISHNESS is good, that not settling down is the key to happiness, that growing old alone is somehow liberating, or that not having a family and loved ones around you to laugh with you and care for you makes you “lucky” is hogwash. Who are you trying to fool???

An entire cottage industry of “self-help” books and speakers have made millions of dollars telling men and women alike that marriage is a drain on your life force, that caring for your kids can be a thankless life, that staying faithful and committed to one man/or one woman for life is not “natural” and that “monogamy” is not possible. I reject this out of hand and so should you.

Let’s look at the facts shall we (I am a recovering lawyer but I still like facts):

Fact–over 55 million Americans (adults) are now single–the most ever on record. The most disturbing trend that Stanford and UCLA Researchers found in a 2007 Journal of Medicine study was that they are seeing more “never marrieds” past the age of 35 and 40 than ever before. And that there is a social trend that is alarming as a result.

What the research shows is staggering–single men and women who choose to never marry or for whatever reasons do not “partner” and “share their lives” can expect these outcomes:

1. Single people get more colds, the flu, and illnesses than do married people
2. Single people are more prone to depression than are married people
3. Single people have less quality and meaningful sex (when the truth is told) than married people
4. Single people’s life expectancy is on average 7 years less for men and 5 for women than those who marry
5. Divorced people have a better quality of physical and mental health than singles, particularly if they have children, or grandchildren. The key connection seems to be family and support networks.
6. Single people are not as financially secure in the long run as married people

I could go on and on, but you get the point. I just needed to get this off my chest because I read something today from a dear friend who has bought into the “hype” that she is meant to be alone, suffer alone (she is battling a serious illness), and that God “has” this for her. Nothing is further from the truth.

This culture we live in is headed for a big lesson folks. Times are hard. They may get a whole lot worse. People are going to come to understand that your MONEY, POSSESSIONS, or STATUS in life can’t buy you LOVE. Oh–It can buy you sex, false friends, position, accolades and temporary pleasures==but TRUST me it CANNOT nor will it EVER be able to make you happy, comfort you when you are sick, standby you when you lose your job, your health, your money, your hope. Only a devoted human being can do that–only a “helper” or (helpmate) can do that for you.

If I Have not Love, I am Nothing

Sophia

Today is one of those days that I rarely get anymore–it’s one of those Sundays where I got to sleep in (till 10AM), exercise and refocus my energy through yoga, and spend the rest of the day from sun-up to sundown fasting, praying, praising God, and spending quality time with Him in that little prayer closet that Jesus talked about in Matthew’s Gospel when He told us how we should pray.

I am usually a very faithful church goer–have been ever since I was a child. My family is deeply rooted and immersed in the church (my brother is a minister of the gospel) and I believe that it is important for us to be gathered weekly with other Saints and Believers so that we can “recharge” our spiritual battery so to speak. But lately, I have been feeling a bit “empty” when I go to church–I have been praying through this and seeking wise counsel on the matter.

When we feel this way–it is important to STOP-PRAY and evaluate so that we can get back on the right track. Some of it is very natural–meaning whenever you have been in a long term relationship of value (I was Baptized and added to the church Acts 2:35-39 at age 12–30 years ago this August) it can get “stale” if you don’t keep it alive and new. So that is my goal in 2009–to rekindle the love and passion I once felt when I was a younger Christian.

I used to be terrified of missing church because I was taught that to do so was a “punishable offense” by God himself. I don’t believe that anymore. My body is my Temple and it needed rest today. It needed/I needed some quiet time with the phone ringer on OFF–the TV off–and just time to gather my thoughts, and quiet my spirit with God by my side.

Lately, I have been really rethinking my relationship with God as well as with my fellow “Christians”. I don’t want to become the kind of Christian who goes to church faithfully each Sunday, attends midweek Bible class, and knows the scripture backward and forward only to have a heart of Stone. I yearn for my “first love” (e.g., God) and to be close to Him as I once was as a young child and into my teens.

I think I am going to start “date day” with God and me once every week now. Where we have a day to talk to one another, refresh our relationship, fellowship together, and build our friendship. That does not mean that I will not be in church faithfully, I will. But, I need more from God. I seek more from my relationship with other Christians. I need a special time set-aside that belongs to God and Him only. I crave fellowship and true Christian love from the body of Christ–sadly, we all fall woefully inadequate in this area because we are all too BUSY and Overwhelmed in our own lives to care about others the way the Bible commands that we do so.

We all could use “date night/day” with God–don’t you think? We are all so busy–so noisy-so hurried–so worn that God gets what is left from us. Does that even sound right to you?

I opened my journal on the train home from New York yesterday and realized that I had not made an entry since before the Inauguration on January 20th. I just haven’t had time. That will not happen again. I am going to catch up on some reading today–I’m actually going to read the Sunday paper today–something I have not done in months.

My life is really going in a great direction right now on all fronts. God is solely responsible for the joy, success, and blessings that I feel now. He has never forsaken me–even when I have walked away from Him. I owe Him more than the “expected”–”routine”–”lukewarm” worship that we all give to Him–far too often.

I owe Him, what I continually seek from Him: Love, Adoration, Faithfulness, and Intimacy.

Today I had a Sunday Kind of Love and it lifted me, strengthened me, and rested my soul.

If I Have Not Love, I Am Nothing

Sophia