Every sister reading this post knows what I am about to say: what is wrong with us?

I have just had a rough week and I am so glad it is Friday.  My week was rough because I had a sister on me like white on rice.  I mean sisters, when we get focused on something or someone, and we need to be right, and we need to be heard–good goodness bless anyone and anything standing in our pathway.

Truly shaking my head.

Tomorrow I am going to participate on a panel in DC hosted by the Red Tent Symposium for Women.  This is a  dynamic group of young sisters who want to have some “Real talk”–”Outside of the box” about women centered relationships and why they matter in our lives.  I applaud these young women because they understand that relationships are at the core of who and what we are as human beings.  A black women, I have hard data based on my book’s research that we rate our relationships with other black women as the most important and valued things in our lives–YET, for reasons surpassing understanding we just can’t seem to get a long.

What is up ladies? In my new book Black Woman Redefined, chapter 11 deals with this sensitive topic head on–and sisters buckle up because it ain’t pretty.   I think the time has come for us to woman-up and focus on dealing with our anger and lack of conflict resolution skills.  I counseled no less than three sisters this week who jacked up another sister–without mercy, without grace, without talking to her about the issue, and did so usually on some form of social media. WOW!  As I mentioned at the outset I got the beat down from a sister colleague in business who was acting as the behest of someone else.  We didn’t even have an issue one with another–instead she came in as the “terminator” and no matter how many times I asked her to back up, stop it, or bring it off email she just would not relent.

I had a decision to make–respond in kind and end up in the parking lot in fisticuffs–suits, hair coiffed, nails done, Jimmy Choos on, etc. Or, I could do what I did and back up, collect myself, and address her offline later.  I chose the latter and I am asking all of you to do the same. The result was good and the friendship is preserved, and, perhaps, stronger.  Clutch Magazine has an article today titled, “Help, I Don’t Have Any Black Female Friends.”  It is an article we should all read.  Yes, something is wrong in the sisterhood and it needs to be addressed.

Sisters here is the bottom line: We have got to stop beating the hell out of one another.  We talk to one another in ways we would never address a man, or someone white.  That is just real hard truth.  The Poet Audre Lorde wrote much about the strained relationships between black women.  Her thesis–is that we are hard on each other because the world is hard on us.  And that at the end of the day we expect better from a “sister” and so when she fails us or lets us down–we go “OFF” (we love to do that) and cut her off, bad mouth her, curse her, tear at her, and make sure that everyone we know, knows she is not good.  Sisters–we have to do better!

It is my sincere hope that this forum tomorrow and many others to come once my book goes LIVE–will bring about dialogue, respect, understanding and healing.  We all need to learn conflict resolution skills, and no one needs them more than the many black women I know.