Black Woman Redefined Blog

So another Christmas has come and gone and we find ourselves once again at December 26th, the day after, wondering where all our time, money and energy went as we gaze upon opened gifts under the tree, and reflect on our fondest memories of yesterday.

Yet, as I look back on the past year and prepare for a new one, I could not help but think about the fact that so many of our fellow Americans yesterday, and people around the globe do not have enough food to eat, clothing to wear, or love in their lives to sustain them through the holidays, much less the new year that is upon us.

We know that the holiday season is very hard on single people, homeless or displaced people, our Military Troops serving abroad, and children who have no families. And, what I find most ironic, is that none of it has to be so.

America is still the shining city sitting on a hill for all the world to see. We are still posses the biggest hearts, minds, and souls when it comes to caring for the world’s sick, lost, abused, maligned and besieged.  But as the good preacher said yesterday something has happened to us as people; as a human race.  Many if not most of us, have an invisible sign hanging on the doorway to our hearts that says “do not disturb”-”vacancy”-”no more room left” or worse. We are more disconnected now than ever.

Today, I want to simply challenge myself and all of you to remove that signage from your heart and make a commitment in 2012 to do something quite simple: Make love a daily way of life. I reprinted below the lyrics below from a favorite holiday song by Celine Dione. I listen to it each Christmas season over and over because the words touch my heart. But, the test is can I, do I strive to live the words each day.

If life has taught me nothing else in my 44 years it is that life is so fragile, so innocent, so precious and such a vapor. It is gone before we know it and as you approach 50 years of age you began to grasp how blessed you are for each new day God gives you.  This year, my goal is to not save it all for the hustle and bustle of Christmas day. To give a little love everyday. I hope you will join me, and I pray that you had a blessed Christmas and will have an even better New Year’s Day!

Love,

Sophia

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“Don’t Save It All For Christmas Day”

(Don’t Save It All by Celine Dione)

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2011 has been the best of times and the worst of times in my life. But on this Thanksgiving Day I have much to be grateful for.  No matter what circumstance we may find ourselves in on this day, we all have something or someone we can fall to our knees and thank God for blessing our lives with.

As I sit down gazing out my window from my kitchen, drinking a nice hot cup of cinnamon coffee, I see the splendor of the seasons changing. Autumn is gone, and winter is coming. So is the case for the seasons of our lives.

Thanksgiving reminds us that we all need a balm in the winter and cool in the summer. We all need love. Life is nothing after all if we have not love.  The older I get the more I become clear on this one truth: I can take nothing with me, and I can leave nothing behind me.  But love is an everlasting gift I can give to others and when we love freely, that love returns full over and over again to us if we only have the courage to embrace it.

As 2011 comes to a close, and we venture into the winter holiday season I’d ask us all to think about the metaphor of winter and what it can mean to us if we use the time wisely.  Albert Camus once wrote, “In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” I am right there. Winter is a time for us to go inward, rest, rejuvinate, redirect and redefine our vision for the new year ahead.  If we prepare well in the winter of our lives, we are sure to reap a wonderful harvest in the spring and summer that is sure to follow.

On this special day when we gather with family and friends, I hope each of us will PAUSE and tell the people we love that we love them. Do it today. For tomorrow is not promised. When our loved ones are gone we cannot tell them we love them, we cannot apologize for any wrongs, we cannot kiss their faces, or hold their hands. Time is not our friend. Through the seasons of our lives so many of us in this time are too busy, too stressed, to overworked, and too burdened. Then the final season of winter comes; death and we have wasted our treasure on accumulating things, instead of spending our time on the only thing that matters: LOVE.

Today vow to “let it go”; whatever it is LET IT GO. And be unafraid to let go of people who aren’t in your corner. Be unapologetic for letting go of those who already let go of you long ago. Value your friends, invest in your friendships. Stop running after fame, fortune, and things at the expense of laughter, joy, love, and family. As ever I am preaching to me most of all.  I wish you love today and everyday that you have on this fabulous journey called life. Be thankful and give thanks today and always!

In his Grip,

Sophia Angeli Nelson

“If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of it’s own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world, so it hates you. Do you remember what I told you? A slave is not greater than the master.’ since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would have listen to you. They will do all this to you because of me, for they have rejected the one who sent me. They would not be guilty if I had not come and spoken to them. But now they have no excuse for their sin. Anyone who hates me also hates my father. John 15:18-24

Lately, I have found myself a bit drained and down when it comes to being a servant, walking in the light, trying to love people, do good and simply honor the “golden rule”. Yet, when I read the above scripture and read the words of my Lord–I am ashamed.  Nothing that I will ever endure on this side of eternity will match his matchless sacrifice. The simple truth is people will always disappoint you, so if you know that going in you will be okay.  It is not that they don’t have good intentions, it is simply that it is easier to tend to self or self interest than to serve others.  Service, love, commitment all of those virtues take sacrifice and time.  They require patience, long suffering and unconditional love.  How many of us truly walk that out day to day?? Be honest–how many of us build time in daily to help the less fortunate, to go the extra mile-to share a word of encouragement, or do a deed that brings comfort? Continue Reading…

Is this You? Yelling at Life?

“Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives, and thus, like mercy, it is twice blessed.”

Webster’s defines cour⋅te⋅sy as having excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior; a considerate act or expression, indulgence in kindness, favor, help, generosity.  A matter of standing or protocol. I define courtesy as ESSENTIAL to our well being as people and core to the very survival of our society.

Of all the many things that I feel are evaporating around me in the culture, of all the things I see going downhill, nothing alarms me more than the death of what I call the two “C’s”: Civility and Courtesy.  I will write about civility another time, but the issue of common courtesy has been heavy on my heart for months now as I have been working on my book and talked to countless men and women around the country about the issues that effect them most in interpersonal relationships. You see it deteriorating everyday in our culture whether at the grocery store, at work, at the gym, at the kid’s school play or even in church (yes, I said church). 

As Dr. Gary Chapman writes in his book, Love As a Way of Life: “The popular conception of courtesy is to be well mannered. The word, courtesy, however, is much richer; it means to be friendly-minded. Courtesy seems to be a small thing compared with acts of patience or forgiveness. But courtesy is rooted in a belief crucial to every relationship: Everyone we meet is worth of our friendship; beneath ever exterior is a person worth knowing. When we truly believe this, courtesy is not only possible but inevitable.”

The bottom line is that courtesy has seemingly disappeared from our pop-culture and we can see the impact all around us. I used to think I was just too sensitive, that I expected too much from people. After all why should people say “thank-you”, or send a note of “appreciation” for a deed well done, a gift, or support during a loss or difficult time.  I started to feel like something was wrong with me in showing basic courtesy–holding open a door for an elderly person, giving up my seat for an older lady or gentleman who was weary, offering to help a colleague with a work project demand, or just taking my neighbor some soup when she is sick with the flu.  But as I have travelled and talked to men and women all over–they see it too and they are worried just as am I.

The biggest most offensive thing I have heard of as of late (from far too many people) is that because of email and technology people are becoming more coarse and less courteous. And the new thing is to just ignore phone calls from friends outright.  I can’t tell you how many people complain about this (me included) that they call to check on a friend, and leave messages, send cards, notes and NOT EVEN a THANK YOU.  Not even a return call or some form of basic courtesy.  What is up with that???? It is simply RUDE folks–no other word can condone or amplify such behavior better.

Going back to the definition we began with–what is courtesy: Well, it is “indulgence in kindness” (I like that)–it is “favor”–it is “help”.  Meditate on those words for a minute.  Those are all action verbs that make not only the recipient of our goodness better, but they make us better as people too!  So the next time you have opportunity (and trust me you have it daily) show someone courtesy.  We are losing the things about us that make us superior as humans; our goodness, civility and compassion for one another. 

In the final analysis, courtesy is a heart condition–it is a reflex emotion. You either live it or you don’t. It is like praise and worship–it can’t just be a Sunday morning thing–it has to be a day in and day out thing.  Try it–it will change your life and someone else’s too!

 If I have Not Love I am Nothing

Sophia