"...I want this film to awaken people to the power of Black actresses. I want people to know there are things that Black women go through that aren't slavery or hip-hop. I want people to know Black women as Americans..." --Anika Noni Rose (actress in the movie "Colored Girls")

Join the Sisters of iask “Sister Buddy Groups” weekend of November 5th for a National Outing

Please Join the Sisters of iask, Inc. for a Special National Buddy Group Outing on the weekend of November 5th, 2010.

Sister Buddy Group Captains will receive a call and email from the executive committee on Monday.  Please call your group members and try to arrange a movie/lunch or dinner outing for this coming weekend.

The weekly newsletter that goes out to our list-serve members will have more details tomorrow.  If you want more information, about Sister Buddy Groups please email Karen Kennedy at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Sister Buddy Groups Members are paid Members of iask, Inc. However, for this weekend we will be having an open enrollment period where you can meet the sisters in your area and consider joining your local or regional chapter cluster.

"All of us are driven by a simple belief that the world as it is just won't do - that we have an obligation to fight for the world as it should be."- First Lady Michelle Obama, 2008 Campaign

See iask Chairman Sophia Nelson’s JET Cover Feature on First Lady Michelle Obama: On Newstands, NOW!

Sisters & Friends, please pick up the new copy of JET Magazine and read a fabulous Cover Story on First Lady Michelle Obama written by iask Chairman & Founder, Sophia A. Nelson.

Ms. Nelson is a new JET Magazine political & social columnist.

You can pick up the new issue on newsstands everywhere, TODAY, Monday, October 18^th, 2010.

The story which asks the question: “Can Michelle Obama Save the Democrats from Disaster” includes interviews with Roland Martin, Bennett College President Julianne Malveaux, Georgia State Rep. Alisha Thomas Morgan, Democratic Strategist & former Hillary Clinton Aide Karen Finney, and many more.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”

When God Disappoints Us...

by Sophia A. Nelson,

Let's have some real talk shall we.  All of us have at one time or another been disappointed in God.  Oh, I know some of you are shocked that I said it out loud, but part of what ails us is that we go around saying trite mess like "I am too blessed to be stressed" when we are about to crack up and lose our minds.  Part of our disappointment, however, has less to do with God than it does with the human beings we deal with everyday (in and out of church; in and out of families) that we expect to love, support, and care for us when hard times hit. The proverbs are clear, 1 John is clear that we are called to love one another at all times, support financially if need be, pray with, feed if need be, clothe if need be, encourage, and speak life into one another. If we as the body of Christ cannot get this right--folks we have missed the point.

Being a Christian is NOT about how many times a week you go to church, or Bible study, or how many Bible verses you know. Being a Christian is about modeling Jesus Christ in our every day lives. Period.

Show me your faith without works writes James. Too many of us have gotten bogged down in which church is right, who is wrong, and we have lost the true meaning of life.  Life is a vapor.  And most of our journey here is a rough ride from day to day.  So our joy must radiate from within--and be shared like an infectious disease with everyone who comes into contact with us.

Nonetheless, people of faith must look to God for their strength (not people--because people will fail us every time), and ultimate victory when passing through or over troubled waters.  But what happens when we seek and God does not answer? When we ask Him and He does not deliver?  Whether we are praying for the healing of a loved one that ultimately passes away, or praying for some illness of our own that only gets worse.  Or maybe we were caught in sin and we prayed, sought counsel, and asked God to help us break the addiction--and when we did we had to awake and face the consequences of our deeds.  Or maybe we have a child who is incarcerated, broken and busted that we pray will come back, but instead they just get farther and farther away.

Maybe it isn't this deep--maybe we lost a job we needed to feed our family, or we lost health care coverage in the midst of a serious illness, maybe we lost our home to foreclosure when all we ever did was work hard, pay the bills on time, and serve faithfully in the body. What happens when a loved one takes his/her own life? Or when a small child gets terminal Cancer.  What about our hopes and dreams that we watch slowly fade away as time passes us by, and we grow weary and bitter? What about the spouse that walks out--the lover that breaks our heart--the loss of the hope of marriage and children that we always wanted?

What happens when a friend we loved like a brother betrays us--or when our own family members abandon us--or worse don't care?

How do we cope with such pain, disillusion and angst and yet still keep our faith?? This is real folks--very real.

These are the things that every single one of us is enduring on some level right now. right now.  I know I am.

So my question for me most of all is how do I keep my faith? How do I keep trusting that I serve a God who sees me--hears me--cares about me? When it seems as if He has forsaken me.

I have come to conclude through years of Bible study and being a Christian for now 31 years that the only way we make it through life's disappointments is by holding onto and helping one another everyday as God commands.  Acts 2:42-47.  They fellowshipped, prayed together, sold their possessions to take care of each other if needed.  They were connected. related. dependent.  And so it must be with our fellowship with God.  Connected. Related. Dependent.

God will not always answer our prayers as we ask Him to.  He will not always spare the life of a loved one.  He will not always heal our infirmities.  He will sometimes let the bottom drop out.  Sometimes the bad guys win.  Sometimes we simply have to keep pressing forward because that is all we have left.  So the key thing is what will we do in the MIDST of our struggles, infirmities, and hurts.  Who will we be? Who will we show up as for all the world to see? Will we still serve, love, and show goodness when we ourselves are under attack?

These are the questions I am wrestling with right now. And I know many of you are too.

I will end by saying--it is okay to grow weary--you just can't faint.  It's okay to be disappointed, even in God--He get's it--He is a faithful parent that loves us and He wants us to cast our cares on Him.  The old hymn says, "sooner or later, we'll know all about it--sooner or later we'll understand."  For now, let's help one another deal with life's disappointments and in so doing we will be truly fulfilling the commands of Christ.

In His Grip,

Sophia

"The family is both the fundamental unit of society as well as the root of culture. It is a perpetual source of encouragement, advocacy, assurance, and emotional refueling that empowers a child to venture with confidence into the greater world and to become all that he can be."

No Wedding--No Womb: Special to iask, Inc. Blogger, Activist, Author Christelyn Karazin

by Christelyn Karazin,

Some time ago I caught wind of an NFL football player who had so many kids by so many different women that when asked, had trouble naming all his eight children by six different mothers. Oh, and four of the eight are three years old--and they are not quadruplets.

This is an embarrassing and shameful example of how the out-of-wedlock epidemic in our community (now at 72%) is becoming so normalized as to make many of us apathetic. But as we throw up our hands and tsk-tsk, not enough outrage is given to the children of this chaos: Fatherless children are nine times more likely to end up in jail, 10 times more likely to be drug abusers, nine times more likely to drop out of school, and 20 times more likely to have behavioral problems than children from intact homes.

Bob Herbert, a black New York Times columnist, penned a piece,”Too Long Ignored”, in which he bemoaned, “That the Black Community has not been mobilized en masse to turn this crisis around is a screaming shame.  He goes on to suggest that solving the crisis requires heroic efforts, not from the government or the wider American society.  “This is a job that will  require a campaign on the scale of the Civil Rights Movement, and it will have to be initiated by the Black Community.”

Well Bob of the New York Times, here we are.

On September 22, 2010, I have had the honor of organizing the first-ever online civil rights march, dubbed “No Wedding No Womb!” (NWNW)  A confederation of like-minded bloggers, authors, artists and entertainers are banding together to say: ENOUGH!  Nearly 100 bloggers have signed on to date, and more join daily. We blog in tandem, not unison.  Each participant will bring forth his and her own truth, experiences, and suggestions for change.

“No Wedding No Womb!” is a declaration and acknowledgement that the out-of-wedlock situation in the black community has reached a critical mass. It is a call for both men and women to take into account the trauma that motherless or fatherless children experience when procreating is taken so cavalierly. With the Lord’s tailwind and plenty of help, I have managed to band liberal and conservative, Republican and Democrat, pro-black lovers, pro-interracial lovers, online heavyweights and lightweights in a call to action.  September 22, which happens to be the 148th anniversary of President Lincoln’s signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, aims to loosen the shackles of the economic and emotional enslavement caused by the normalization of baby mamma and daddy-ism.

But whose fault is it? Frankly, I’m less concerned about who’s to blame.  I see a lot of black men and women pointing fingers and breathing fire at each other, but if they shut up for one minute and looked down into the eyes of the child that witnesses this vitriol, they’ll see hurt, anger, pain, and resentfulness. Hatred of men.  Hatred of women.  Irreparable damage that will express itself in a host of self-destructive behaviors. In this ridiculous blame game, people want to excuse and dismiss, call for a study, blame slavery, blame white people, blame rap music… the list goes on. And while everyone is rushing to defend their actions, nobody will ask the kids what THEY think about not having the God-given right to have both parents who are functional and committed in the home.  Nobody asks, because everyone knows the answer.  And so the cries of children are smothered by adult actions of self-indulgence and lack of foresight.  It’s uncomfortable to hear that you’ve done something wrong, and I understand that; but frankly, I don’t care about a little hurt feelings. “No Wedding No Womb!” is about our children, who are our future, and who need us to fight for them with all we’ve got.

I should know.  I am a ‘baby momma’ to a wonderful, beautiful and intellectually-gifted 12-year-old girl.

To find out how you can participate in or support the No Wedding No Womb!

Movement, visit www.noweddingnowomb.com

The sisters of iask, Inc. are proud to announce our support for the groundbreaking blogger project "No Wedding, No Womb". iask Chairman Sophia A. Nelson will be the guest moderator along with NWNW founder Christelyn Karazin. Please see the official press release below. Ms. Karazin will be the iask feature weekly message from a sister this Monday, September 20, 2010.

About NWNW: BeyondBlackWhite.com, a black women’s empowerment and relationship website, (www.beyondblackwhite.com) is bringing together top women bloggers and journalists (and a few good men) for the first online movement aimed at bringing attention to the rampant out-of-wedlock births – a key factor that has kept scores of black women and their children in emotional and economic enslavement.

On September 22 – the 148th anniversary of The Emancipation Proclamation – African American writers throughout the United States will flood the blogosphere for a day of online debate information and commentary under the auspices of No Wedding, No Womb! A trademarked slogan, No Wedding, No Womb! is an initiative that seeks to address the problems of – and provide solutions to — the unplanned pregnancies among African American single women. Nearly half of all families in the African American community are headed by black women. In addition, more than 70 percent of live births in the black community are to unmarried women.

New York Times columnist Bob Herbert addressed the issue in an August 20, 2010 article:

That the black community has not been mobilized en masse to turn this crisis around is a screaming shame. Black men, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, have nearly a one-third chance of being incarcerated at some point in their lives. By the time they hit their mid-30s, a solid majority of black men without a high school diploma have spent time in prison. Homicide is the leading cause of death for young black men, with the murderous wounds in most cases inflicted by other young black men. This is a cancer that has been allowed to metastasize for decades.

And it’s time to put an end to it once and for all…

Christelyn D. Karazin will spearhead the online blitz. Karazin, founder of beyondblackwhite.com and co-author of the forthcoming book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed – will post individual commentaries and reports addressing the issue. She will be joined by over 100 top African American bloggers and noted journalists (see list of participants on the next page) who will provide their own new and information posts galvanizing a movement toward strengthening black communities and families.

For media inquires contact: Christelyn D. Karazin at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 951-203-1313

"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible." -Claude Bissell

By Sophia A. Nelson, special to iask, Inc.

We live in a time when an encouraging word can be hard to find--and so it was in the beginning of time, and so it shall always be with the human condition.

I have said this before but it is worth saying again--we are all too busy, too challenged, to focused on S-E-L-F to realize that the most fundamental thing God gave us was the need for interaction and support from other human beings. Of all the things I have come to understand in my 43 years on this earth, I understand more and more each day what the song writer penned so eloquently, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." Let's face it folks we need each other. Life is short. Life can be challenging. Life can wear us down. But life is only worth living when we have people to share it with and people who are there to uplift, encourage, and support us through the journey.

We all know intellectually that a kind word can change our entire day or outlook for the better. An unkind or malicious word can ruin it just the same. Our words matter and truth be told more damage has been done to the mind-body-and spirits of people than all the wars, physical violence, and natural disasters we can recall. I don't know about you but I have noticed as of a late an increase in hateful speech, mean words, and pettiness. There seems to be a willingness of members of the same family, in the same church even to disparage, tear down, put down and diminish the hopes and dreams of others they profess to love and care about. It is heartbreaking to watch and even harder to withstand when you are on the receiving end of such treachery. But, the good news is this--if you choose to live a life of encouragement with not just your words, but with your deeds, I promise you the pettiness of others will not be able to distract you from the calling on your life.

There is a great story in the book of Acts, chapter 15 that we should all take to heart. The story chronicles how some in the early church of the New Testament were using their words to "disturb & trouble the minds" of others by what they "said". The response of the church leaders to this disturbing news was not to respond in kind or to act in retaliation but instead to choose some men to "encourage" & "strengthen" those who were disturbed with a letter of comfort and peace. In other words they fought hateful and mean words with loving and kind words.

Encouragement is like a cool balm on a hot summer's day. We all need it, and we all must do better at giving it!

Here is my point: In a world that has grown increasingly cold and cynical, we have too often responded in kind. It is easy to respond to hate with hate. To attacks with attacks. To negativity with negativity. My proposition for you this week is to be different. Be that light that God calls you to be. Be that voice in the wilderness that encourages instead of discourages others. Speak life into people daily in small ways, as well as big ways!

Task yourself this week to be an encourager! The results will be life changing I promise!

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Time To “Replenish” Your Mind, Body & Spirit & Celebrate Autumn’s New Season!

By Sophia A. Nelson,

Dear Sisters and Gentlemen of iask:

It’s hard to believe that summer is over and the Autumn is upon us. What a great time to get back in shape–ride your bike, take great morning walks, change your diet to organic foods, lose a few lbs, refresh your skin care regiment, renew an old acquaintance, fall in love, and replenish your soul.

I wanted to share a few quick thoughts on how you might begin the new season:

1. Sisters, take time as I did this summer to get “silent”. I spent three days in utter silence I did not speak a word or turn on TV, etc. It was very healing and restoring to my spirit.

2. Turn off your electronic devices for just one day a month and write a note to a friend, send a card, write a letter to someone you need to forgive or who needs to forgive you. Reconnect with your human side and put down all the texts and emails.

3. Restore your GLOW–join a book club, surround yourself with people that speak life into you and who are FOR YOU. Eat better, get 6 hours minimal sleep per night and try to go down no later than 11:30PM. Rise early, praise God, sing a hymn, be still and watch the difference it will work in your life!

Sister Buddy Groups (join our page by that name on Facebook) will be starting again in late September. Please join the iask Sister Blog at www.iaskblog.com so that you get the fabulous weekly messages from a sister (or brother:)) in your email box only 1 TIME per week on Monday Mornings!

New Members we will be calling you this next week to make sure you received your welcome email and packet (electronic) and that we have your most current up to date information for sending members cards, pins, etc. Thank you for your patience during this restructuring and rebuilding year for iask, Inc.

Hope you enjoyed your Labor Day off!

Sisterly,

Sophia A. Nelson
Chairman of the Board
www.iaskinc.org

"Happiness can only be found if you can free yourself of all other distractions."  — Saul Bellow

Weekly Message from a Sister: "Are You Letting Flashing Lights, ShinyThings & Other Pretty Distractions Overtake You?"

By Lainika Johnson-Colbert,

There was a scene in the film, Minority Report starring Tom Cruise in which he is walking through a mall several years into the future.  He is at this particular mall for a specific purpose but as he enters, there are flashy images showing him products like cars and beer all the while calling his name. The goal is to get him to stop and enter one of the stores.  In this imagined world, name brands will have so much data on your past behavior that they can anticipate what you like; kind of like Google today.

Like most people, you probably have a goal in mind.  By the time most women get to the age of 35, they have pretty much determined their passions and what they think their God-given purpose is for living.  The problem is that we get sidetracked and distracted by the shiny things.  Those flashing lights are diverting our attention away from the reason that we are here. I submit to you that getting off-track is not entirely your fault. You have been destined to complete God’s purposes. That is why you are here.

Well, that is exactly what Satan does NOT want to happen.  Satan has been studying you for as long as you have been alive.  He knows what you like.  He knows what you get excited about.  He knows how to turn your head  and distract you just like those computers in Minority Report.  He has a complete file on you, sister.

You may have asked yourself, ‘why do I keep falling for the same distractions?’  The answer to the question lies in your inability to recognize the enemy when he comes.  He may come wrapped up in a big white smile and cufflinks or he may come in the form of chocolate cake.  It depends on what your weakness is.  The devil goes for the easy targets. It is important to note that recognizing the trick, doesn’t make the trick less appealing.  A temptation is a temptation. This is why recovering alcoholics cannot step foot in a bar ever again.  Your job is to resist the temptation.  Don’t even go there.  Not even once.

My mama used to always say, “Chile, the devil ain’t got no new tricks.” And I ask, "Why should he? We keep falling for the old ones."

Lainika Johnson-Colbert drives families and the women who run them to success.  Known as the Queen of Systems, she is a Life Strategist, Public Speaker and Public Relations Specialist. She has been a regular on ABC 15's Sonoran Living Live since 2005. Lainika's practical approach to life has transformed the lives of thousands of women and their families. Visit www.lainika.com for videos and more information about Lainika.  You can follow her on Twitter at www.twitter.com/urbancorporate.

"Your treasure -your perfection- is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the busy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart." — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

The Sound of Silence: I Dare to You to Give it a Try

Silence is the relative or total lack of audible sound. By analogy, the word silence may also refer to any absence of communication, even in media other than speech. Silence is also used as total communication, in reference to non verbal communication and spiritual connection."

Okay so like many of you I saw the new movie "Eat. Pray. Love." starring one of my favorites Julia Roberts. I had not yet read the book, so I did not know what to expect (I am now almost done with the book on my e-reader) but I loved the movie, and its positive life affirming message. For those who have read the book, you know that there is a part where Liz (main character) is in an Ashram in India and she meets a woman who has on a sticker that says "in silence"--and this simply means that for a period of time she said no audible words and just reflected inward with silence sun-up to sun-down. Well, I was very intrigued by this proposition because like the character Liz in the book and movie--I am miss personality--I love people--I love to TALK!!!! So, I decided that I needed to get "still, re-centered and silent" all at once because lately I have just been blah--too much on air TV, too much analysis, too much commentary, too much arguing--too much--just too much and my spirit was drained.

All I can say is that if you, like me, have been plagued with sleeplessness, worry, fear, angst, lack of energy, aches & pains, messed up relationships, anger, broken dreams, heart-ache, disappointment, hurt, financial stress, and on an on you may want to give this a whirl. I started with a meditation used by Buddhist called "Loving-Kindness" which re-centers you on loving yourself and releasing those who have hurt or harmed you. I then filled my head with total silence--and then refilled it with prayer, scripture, positive messages, meditation, relaxation, massage, baths, and lots of sleep. Then I wrote a balance sheet of what emotions I was feeling and who I needed to forgive, deal with and release from my life for good. Boy was that sheet longggggggggggggggggggg!

My point is this: We are all human. We are all fragile. We are all made for relationship, love, and fellowship. When we sacrifice those critical values for "BEING BUSY"--for " LIVING IN DRAMA" or for the "Pursuit of THINGS"--our mind will not only suffer, our relationships with God will crumble and our bodies will reflect all of the above. Trust me I know! So here is what I want to say to men and women alike. STOP the madness. Take a time out. Just two days for YOU. If you have kids pay a baby-sitter, or drop them at your mom's, but take a day or two for YOU. Shut the world OUT and get QUIET. I cannot begin to tell you what I heard in my silence--what things came up--what pathways I know I need to walk and those I need to never walk again. Your spirit will minister to your needs if you allow it to do so.

You all know me. I am not some hocus pocus, self proclaimed prophetess, etc. I don't believe in that and I never will. I do believe in opening my heart and mind up. I believe that life is more than duty, obligation and misery. I want to be happy-and damnit I am going to be happy no matter what it takes. I desereve it. I am worth it. I am loved. I am loving. I am kind. I am compassionate. And so is each of you--if you will allow the time to find that person who is likely buried under the rubble of busyness!

Silence as they say: is golden

Sophia

"Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results." - James Allen

Five Ways to Keep Negative Thoughts from Spiraling Out of Control

by Special contributor to iask, Inc. Author, Speaker, Life Coach, Valorie Burton

Dear Sisters,

No matter how positive of a person you are, some days are better than others. One negative encounter can ruin an entire day, if you dwell on it. And if you’re dealing with an ongoing challenge - such as a job loss or divorce, financial stress or a health problem - it’s imperative that you learn how to stop negative thoughts before they spiral out of control. In fact, learning this one key skill can keep you from sabotaging your success, ruining relationships and even sinking into depression.

The key is to catch yourself in the moment when you are stewing over a negative situation. You know how it starts: You encounter a rude driver in traffic on your way home from work after having a disagreement with a co-worker - and begin lamenting how everyone is out to get you.  Or you or your spouse lost a job and you begin imagining the worst case scenario rather than focusing on the positive action you can take to land that next job. Or maybe you are just down because life is just challenging right now and it’s taking all your strength to keep moving forward. Whatever your scenario, use these five techniques to keep negative thoughts from spiraling out of control:

1. Breathe intentionally.
Research shows that proper deep breathing - in which you breathe from your diaphragm rather than shallow breathing from your chest - reduces blood pressure, anxiety and stress. Take one minute and focus your thoughts on your breath. Feel it enter your nose, fill your belly and exit through your mouth. Center yourself in this moment. Relax.

2. Anticipate the negative and be ready with the positive.
Expect negative thoughts to cross your mind, especially when you are dealing with stress. But choose not to ruminate on them. Rumination means meditating on the negative - and doing it often enough can have serious mental health consequences such as depression. Instead, meditate on the positive. Focus on what you are grateful for. Focus on the opportunity you have for change and improvement. These are things within your control.

3. Get out and about.
Sunshine and fresh air can do wonders for your mood. Being stuck physically - whether at work or home - can leave you stuck mentally. So get out. Take a walk. Ride your bike. Run some errands. Stand on the porch or patio for a few minutes and soak up the rays. Sunshine helps your body produce vitamin D and has been shown to be a mood lifter.

4. Do something fun.
Research confirms that negative emotions are far more powerful than positive ones. Therefore, you need at least three positive emotions to overcome the negatives you face. So when you are particularly challenged with negative conversations, interactions and situations in your life, you’ve got to be intentional about countering them with positive experiences. One way to do that is have fun. What do you like to do for fun? Go do it. What brings you joy? Incorporate more of it into your life today.

5. Get around funny, happy people.
Psychology researchers have discovered happiness is contagious. And when you are down, it doesn’t help to be around other negative people. Who makes you laugh? Who always puts a smile on your face? Who knows how to find peace and joy even in the midst of chaos or challenges? That’s who you need to hang out with. Give them a call, stop by their desk at work, or get together for dinner tonight. You won’t have time to let those negative thoughts spiral out of control - you’ll be too busy laughing and enjoying good company!

Journaling Assignment:
Make a list of all the things you have to be thankful for. This will change your mood in no time!

My Challenge to You:
The next time you have a negative thought, counteract it by doing something that you love to do or spending time with someone who makes you happy.

Until next time …

Warm wishes!

“A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life." 
- Isadora James

“Dependent. Connected. Related.” The True Meaning of Sisterhood

One of the things that I am very clear about these days is that we are all going through some kind of life storm, or trauma. True that we may be experiencing these challenges on different levels and in different areas of our lives, but the older I get the more I am starting to understand that this journey called life is only doable when we have others along the way to help, love, support, encourage and pray with and for us.

In this redefining and renewing season of my own life, and in the life of the iask sisterhood, I have been blessed as of late to experience true dependence, connection, and relationship with my fellow Christians and with some of my dearest friends and family members. I can tell you of all the gifts I have been given in my life none has been more rich and rewarding then feeling truly "connected" to my fellow human beings on such a deeply spiritual and meaningful way.

In our individualistic culture, we often shy away from and lament against being connected with others. We see them as an annoyance, a bother, a drain on our own souls. Yet, for those of us who call ourselves "Christian" and many of us do--if we subscribe to this belief--we have it wrong. We only need look at the examples laid out for us in the Bible of how the 1st century believers lived out their faith. The model for us the meaning of interdependence, connection, and relationship.

A friend said on this blog a couple of weeks ago that LOVE, is a VERB. He was absolutely correct! When I think of sisterhood--I think of love in action. Words are cheap if they are not demonstrated in how we treat and interact with one another. A few moments ago I just got off my Monday AM prayer call with my best friend and my mom. We all shared how tired we are physically and emotionally with all we have on our plates. All three of us are major "givers" it is who we are--"reflex" as I call it--but giving can be hard, draining, and it can leave us feeling empty and depressed even if we are not likewise poured back into.

That is where the model of the 1st Century church comes in and shows us how it should be done. The first century Christians (see Acts 2: 42-47) voluntarily shared their resources and willingly invested their hard earned money in the lives of others. They met in the Temple regularly, they prayed together often, they met in each other's homes, fellowshipped, broke bread, and if need be they fed, housed, and clothes other believers. Don't miss this sisters--being a Christian, a sister, is to be a "keeper" of your fellow humans.

The lives of believers should be intertwined, and interconnected. Not set apart, not isolated, and not caught up in being a "lone star" Christian. My point is this: Sisters, believers, Christians alike are all to draw life from each other. They share in each other's joys and sorrows. They show love not by empty words, trite sayings, pats on the back, or by keeping a "distance". They work it out in love, they go the extra mile, they stay close in trouble, and they rebuild and pour back into one another. In short, they are like family to each other. The family of God.

Be blessed and have a great week!

If I have not love, I am nothing!

Sophia A. Nelson

“Love yourself, for if you don't, how can you expect anybody else to love you?"

"For one who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, the mind will remain the greatest enemy."
—The Bhagavad-Gita

It seems as though "Busy" is becoming the universal response to the question, "How are you?" In today's fast-paced world people seem to rate their worth and value on the relentless busyness of their schedules. We consider people who somehow know how to rest and set boundaries as weaklings, lazy , or not hard working. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Long gone are the good 'old days of summer where we shut it all down, went camping, had cook-outs and enjoyed our families without the interruption of work calling, blackberry's ringing, laptops buzzing, or ipods & iphones singing.

I see it in my own life and the lives of countless sister friends and colleagues. And I find myself shaking my head a lot lately asking--what is wrong with us? It is not just the women folk who are too busy these days either, our men, our children, our elders are all texting, ipading, exercising on the Wii, and constantly on the go. Rest is something we have forgotten how to do and we are paying a heavy price in our homes, our culture, and with our wellness and health.

The fact of the matter is that we have a hard time being still, we have a hard time staying focused on what matters--we are all worried and weary travelers on this journey called life and it is frankly destroying many of our inter-personal relationships and spiritual fellowship with each other as human beings. Many of us are in fact angry and cranky--we feel pushed to the limit--we are stressed out and we want out but have no idea how to make it happen.

B-U-S-Y what does it really mean?

I see busy as a thief--let me say it again--a thief--one who steals, robs, and takes what does not belong to him. Being busy robs us of the time to contemplate, and visit with our own thoughts and needs. Being busy robs us of time with loved ones, friends and family that we rarely get to see in such restless, activity filled lives. Being busy and always wanting more robs us of the critical and life sustaining need to R-E-S-T and be S-T-I-L-L so that we can hear God's voice and know what it is that He truly has for us.

In my five years as President of iask (aka I Am My Sister's Keeper) and now as Chairman I have watched busyness rob us of something far more valuable: Love, compassion, service, and sisterhood. I do not say this as an indictment as much as it is meant to be a truthful observation. I hear it from preachers, teachers, coaches, organization leaders, non-profit managers, charities and the like--people are simply too B-U-S-Y to care and to get involved. "If you are lucky, they may write you a check to help feed the hungry or cloth the homeless, but don't count on it." Said one non-profit CEO. I have lamented about this countless times in iask, but always an optimist I believe that if you build it the right people will come.

Sisters, friends trust me I get it: you work all day, you are tired, you get harassed at work, by relationships, by life. You are struggling to make ends meet, your families need you--friends need you--everyone wants a piece of Y-O-U. Boy do I know this truth--Service is often thankless and at times downright abusive as those you try to help will curse you and spitefully use you. But take heart Jesus told you that if they hated him they will hate you also. That in this world you will have many troubles, but count it as joy because he himself has overcome the world.

Easy words to read--hard words to live out. We find our character in times of crisis and trouble. We find out who our friends are in the midst of life's sudden and unexpected storms. I am walking in the midst of perhaps the biggest storm of my life right now--and but for my sisters I would be swept away and capsized by the crashing waves of the thunderous and rolling sea. Bottom line: We all need friends, we all need support, we all need counsel, and compassion. Sisterhood is not a spectator sport--it requires active participation and love which covers over a multitude of sins.

We as women of faith are called to something greater, higher, more meaningful. I have had my heart broken too many times and been disappointed at how hard it has been to get women engaged in the "service" part of our motto: service-self-success. The faithful few who got us to our five year anniversary last May and to where we are today at six years old--are to be applauded and thanked for giving, serving, supporting, and living out your life of F-A-I-T-H through your A-C-T-I-O-N-S.

I heard someone say once, "there can be no true love without sacrifice." I agree.

As I am finally getting sometime in my own life to R-E-S-T and reflect after having spent the last year of my life literally working no less than 12 hours a day on my first book, I realize I missed ALOT in the last year. I missed birthday parties, Baptisms, Births, Weddings, concerts, dancing, laughter, phone conversations, letters, trips, cards, baby showers, and tender private moments with my beau. As the leader of iask, Inc. I inadvertently allowed the organization to come to a virtual stand still because I simply could not replicate myself into 20 pieces to get it all done. And we had no sisters who were able to step up and fill my shoes while I was gone. Everyone was busy.

A very sobering fact to face and one we are addressing in leadership now. And one that I publicly wish to acknowledge and apologize for to the new members, longtime members and supporters of this great sisterhood. I could try to justify my shortcomings and say that I did my best (which is true but it wasn't pretty) or that I had to get my book done over the past year but the truth is we need to REDEFINE iask and refocus our organizational priorities on what truly matters in this life.

The exciting news: we are going to bring in younger, fresher, motivated, visionary, technologically smarter and most importantly compassionate & loving sisters & brothers (of all colors) to lead the organization and we are going to stand up a Board of Directors that will truly run the corporation and that will rival some of the best corporate boards in America. We will be one the most significant organizations of the 21st Century when all is said and done--we need you--please come join us!!!

And in my 43 years on this earth I have learned that the most valuable things any of us can achieve is not a Harvard MBA, or a Law Degree, a yacht, a new Mercedes, a big name in lights, trips around the world, designer shoes and handbags, speaking engagements, TV appearances or a large savings account to match our half million dollar home in the suburbs. Sisters don't you know none of this stuff will go with you when you die. So why do we worship it and spend our lives being busy accumulating the very things we don't even have time to enjoy?

None of this matters--the most important achievements of our lives come in the form of Love-Happiness & Fulfillment. How you define Love, Happiness and Fulfillment is somewhat subjective I agree--BUT I think the sermon I heard this morning reminded me of why I founded iask. Inc. and why it is that I have hung in there with it (as have some of you) for all of these years.

The sermon I heard this morning was simple--it was simply entitled: Are you living out your faith? The good preacher made a simple but profound observation and that is this: If you call yourself a follower of Christ--or a Christian you must strive everyday to do what he did;love as he did; and obey what he called us to do in his word-the Bible. He talked about how many of us are so caught up into having "religious experiences" and "feelings"--and "getting our church on"--"or being seen" or "going to church to get a hook up" or to "be in anointed leadership" that we miss the meaning of our purpose. We say we love God and that we are followers of His--yet we don't follow the very simple commands that he left us. What were His commands--in a nutshell we as human beings are called to show our faith by how we treat others--how we serve others--how we love them, forgive them, reach out to them when they hurt, cover them, protect them, feed them, clothe them, invite them into our homes, etc.

That is IT folks! Nothing more, nothing less.

So my mission is this: I am looking for a "few good sisters" who want to serve others, while learning to truly take care of and nurture themselves first so that they have enough reserve to effectively serve others, and who want to lead lives of true fulfillment by learning to love, be loved, and reach for happiness. That is the iask mission--sisterhood--service-self-success. I hope you will come and join us as we are in a rebuilding year. We expect 2011 to be the greatest year for our organization ever. God bless!

If I have not love, I am nothing!

Sophia

An Open Letter from iask Chairman of the Board & Founder Sophia A. Nelson, Esq.

"If you really want to improve your situation in life, focus on changing the one thing over which you have control: yourself."
—Steven Covey

The Heart of Expectation: Do You Really Get Back What You Put Into Relationships? So often in life we find ourselves disappointed by someone we love and it’s not just people that disappoint us, but it is our unfulfilled desires, and dreams.  However, if we are honest with ourselves our greatest disappointments in life come from unmet expectations.

This is key because we are seldom honest with ourselves and others on this very important point. And I think that if we have the courage to be so, we will save ourselves much grief and heartache.

I am blessed to be able to talk and interact with a lot of diverse people at any given time, and yet there is one universal thing that always stays the same across race, gender, age, income, and status: Our unmet expectations in our relationships tend to have the most profound impact on us.  I have been thinking about this a lot over the past week as I faced a very serious personal challenge and have had to rely on others to support, nurture, pray for and take care of me in many ways because I was unable to drive, shop, etc. for myself.  If you know me, you know that this is hard for me.

I found myself deeply hurt and disappointed in those who I thought were close to me, who simply didn’t respond the way I would have (or have) in a similar circumstance.  Even after I had humbled myself to say I needed their help and their presence with me.  Yet, in my dismay and disappointment I remembered the words of a dear friend of mine about five years ago now. She noticed that I tended to surround myself with a lot of people who were takers, and not givers–people who were always coming and going after they had been poured into by me.  So she took me out for coffee and she gave it to me straight.

She said Sophia, “You love hard girl. And most people simply cannot handle  it-it makes them feel guilty and they don’t want to step up their game so they lash out at you for simply being good to them. If you don’t start surrounding yourself with people who get you and who share your values, who will be there for you as you are for them you will burn out and burn up with frustration and disappointment.  We on the other hand are good friends and will always be because we are wired the same.  We operate off of ‘reflex’ and we make it a purpose in our loves to demonstrate care, love, affection, support not in words but in our deeds.  We don’t do drive by friendship.”  She continued, “Get rid of some of these so-called friends in your life, because they are not good friends or at the very least put them in their proper role–acquaintance and keep moving.”

WOW-Shazam–light bulb went off! She said, REFLEX. I love that word, I now use it all the time in the context of how I care for and about people in my life.  I don’t make excuses, I don’t try to diminish some-one’s needs, or tell them to “just get use to me this is the way I am”–I DO–I ACT–I POUR OUT–I GIVE. Ask yourself a question–why would you want to be around people that spent their energy telling you what they will not, cannot, and don’t do? Someone like this is toxic-RUN!

So here is the new rule for me since 2004:  I communicate my needs and expectations to those closest to me and we work on meeting each other’s needs as they arise.  And boy am I blessed with a tight inner circle that is there for me hands down.  They show up ready.  Which begs the question why was I looking for support from the wrong people in my life. My expectation of those in my closest family and inner circle is to operate on REFLEX–and do you know why? My closest circle is made up of self-professed Christian men and women.  And Christians act like Christ. And folks, don’t get it twisted: Christ was a doer, a healer, a comforter, a friend at all times, a forgiver, a lover of his fellow man, and a restorer of brokenness. I learned from my friend, her words impacted me deeply.  And ever since then I make it a point to openly and honestly communicate my needs and expectations of others and most importantly surround myself with people who share my value on this important matter.

I heard a preacher once talk about how he counseled couples and found that most marriages fail due to poor communication and managing of expectations.  He said it’s simple folks: if the husband focuses on meeting his wife’s needs and pouring into her daily and she in turn focuses on his needs and building him up–showing him respect daily they will both be filled.  Everyone’s needs are met.  In  that regard I commend everyone to read the books, “The Five Love Languages” & “The Five Languages of Apology” and “Love as a Way of Life.” by Dr. Gary Chapman.  These books will change your life radically if you put them into practice.  They teach you how to understand other’s needs, expectations and how to manage and meet them which is enriching for all involved.

So what’s the answer to the question I posed at the outset? The answer is YES, you can have a heart of expectation. Read the Psalms–read how King David laments the people he has poured into and loved, and yet when he is in the barrel they mocked and abandoned him.  David understood REFLEX–he got it–thus why he wanted to kill Abagail’s foolish husband Nabal (see 1st Samuel Chapter 25).  He understood that there is a way we treat our fellow man–there is courtesy–there is kindness–there is reciprocity.  David had protected Nabal’s flocks for free–just because it was right and when David asked for some provisions for his ARMY he was denied such.  Nabal’s selfish–arrogant and self serving ways cost him his life in the end. We should take heed there is a powerful lesson in this word from God.  My point to myself and all of you is to STOP surrounding yourself with (or trying to win over/change) people who do not and will not listen to and care about your feelings and more importantly work to meet validate them (and of course this must be reciprocal).  We all have expectations, and they are healthy when communicated, and managed with mutual love and respect.

Are you your sister’s keeper? Many of the women at the [iask, Inc. 5th Anniversary Holiday Tea and Awards Luncheon] did not give out of their abundance..they gave out of their lack!!! That is a powerful statement.  You might think that your situation is bad..but there is always someone out their that has it worse than you.

On Saturday, Lamar and I attended the iask , Inc. 5th Anniversary Holiday Tea and Awards Luncheon hosted by Mikki Taylor, Beauty Director and Cover Editor of Essence Magazine.  This luncheon served not only as a fundraiser (as ticket proceeds and silent auction bids were used to support charities such as the National Capitol Food Bank, Safe Shores, Children’s Defense Fund, and Walter Reed Army Christmas Community Service Program), but also as an awards luncheon recognizing several individuals for their dedication and service to the community.  Among the awards recipients were Tavis Smiley, Michael Eric Dyson and Eugene H. Robinson.

One award recipeint, 12 year old Marissa Norwood, really touched my heart.  Marissa did not actually attend the luncheon because you see she has a brain tumor.  Even though she has a brain tumor, she has an upbeat attitude and a passion for helping others.  When the Make a Wish foundation granted Marissa her wish, Marissa did not want anything for herself. Instead, she wished for a shopping spree to purchase gifts for others in need. “I don’t want to be remembered for having a tumor, I want to be known for helping people despite having a tumor,” Norwood said.

Another award recipient, Nicole McLean, is a breast cancer survivor.  After being diagnosed with breast cancer, Nicole decided to start a blog to discuss her journey.  My Fabulous Boobies started out as a personal blog, but has grown to a powerful resource to help other young single women  that are dealing with breast cancer.

I truly enjoyed the luncheon, I laughed, I cried, I was motivated by award recipient and keynote speaker Gloria  Mayfield Banks, and most of all I was inspired.  Many of the awards recipients are overcoming great adversities in their lives and yet they still found time to give.  iask means I Am My Sister’s Keeper.  Their mission is to be the premiere organization nationally that addresses the mental, physical, relational, spiritual and career well-being of African-American Professional Women.  Please take a moment to check out the pictures for the Luncheon and to check out the iask website.

Thank you Sophia Nelson (iask President and founder) for your vision and for being a blessing to our community!!!

Ronnie Tyler, www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com

So often when we talk about Breast Cancer, we focus on pink ribbons, fundraising, and cures for the disease. All of these things are important no doubt, but what I hope we will all spend more time focusing on is how we love and care for our friends when they need us.
The truth is when most of us think about Breast Cancer, we think of it as something that afflicts post-menopausal women past the (dating) prime of their lives. We see these women as aunts, mothers, or grandmothers who have the love and support of their families to help them get through it all.  We see it as somewhat expected.

I saw this play out keenly with my friend Francene Robinson who died of Triple Negative Breast Cancer on June 5, 2009 at the age 58. I see this playing out with my friend Venessa Bates who has just been diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer and she is in her mid 50’s. Both of these sisters are blessed with great husbands, a supportive community of friends and family and a legacy of love that endures.

These women come from an era seemingly long gone where sisters and their husbands truly rally and take care of each other in time of need.  When my friend Fran got very sick in the last months and weeks of her life, I sat in awe at how her sister friends stepped up—many of them in the Links, Jack & Jill or in the Black Greek Lettered Fraternities.

They had cleaning schedules, hospital visit schedules, meal schedules, grocery rotations, and the like.  They did it to ensure that Fran’s husband Henry and her two sons had no worries other than to be by her side day and night.  It was moving to me as a woman in my early 40s, who is not married and has no children.  

The most glaring thing that jumps out as me, however, is when I think of Breast Cancer and how it is impacting and raving the lives of young black women. I have one dear friend Nicole McLean who has been fighting Breast Cancer since she was in her late 30s. And like many of you, I learned of the loss of Ms. Sheryl Flowers (of the Tavis Smiley Group) who was only 42 (my age) to Triple Negative Breast Cancer in June when I had just signed my book deal with Smiley Books.

What I want us to stop and consider this October as my sister organization (I Am My Sister’s Keeper/iask, Inc.)  will do as we partner with Circle of Promise and remember the fight against Breast Cancer; is to focus on those women who are fighting this disease under age 40 and who have no one to comfort them.  

The fact is women who are still menstruating and healthy under the age of 40 get Breast Cancer.  And it is a devastating thing to endure and also try to maintain a healthy dating and social life. As my friend Nicole so candidly put it on her national blog “My Fabulous Boobies”:

“I do not want to live the rest of my life alone. But at the same time, I am absolutely terrified of putting my feelings, emotions and everything else on the line and end up disappointed. Dating was crazy and hard before breast cancer. Today, it is compounded by the fact that (God-willing) I will be living with the after-effects of having breast cancer for the rest of my life. There will always be some concern, some fear… some nagging something that will linger around my life and have to be dealt with head-on.  The question that lingers is… if it was hard to accept that someone could stick with me through my very “Nicole-ness” before cancer… my goodness, who is that man who will be willing to take on that PLUS millions of doctor visits, unexpected medical bills, fatigue, body changes and so on? This is REAL LIFE STUFF and it’s serious.”


I am convinced that part of the reason Fran lived as long as she did is not because of the chemo drugs, or the excellent care that Dr. Edith Mitchell (Medical Oncologist & Associate Director of Diversity for the Kimmel Cancer Center at Thomas Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia, PA.) provided her but it was because of the circle of love, prayers and support she received on a daily basis from her loved ones and her sister friends.

As someone who has suffered with a difficult auto-immune disease since I was 36, I know what it is like to endure such an unexpected and life changing diagnosis.  I want all women to have the circle of love and support that Fran & Venessa have as two older married women. Not just in theory but in practice.

It is my hope that all of us who know a sister who is fighting Breast Cancer alone, will step up and reach out to her on a regular with cards, gifts, time, calls, food baskets, and the like; and by doing so I promise you that you will prolong her spirit, her journey and her life.

Being Your Sister’s Keeper When Cancer Strikes By Sophia A. Nelson

(Reprint from Essence.com)

A Love Letter to my Sisters
Fabulous, stunning, intelligent, warm, caring, devoted, successful, open, graceful, patient, kind, authentic, liberated, funny, multi-talented, entrepreneurial, powerful yet meek, strong yet feminine, nurturing, truthful, uncovered, seeking, spiritual, giving, loving and most of all triumphant.

These are just a few of the words that come to mind when I think of the beautiful accomplished black women that I know who have shaped my life, served as my role-models, been my self-less caretakers, inspired me, encouraged me, stuck by me, loved me, and who have helped to make me the woman I am today. All of you know women like this too. We are special, unique, precious and priceless. To say these things aloud is in no way meant to diminish the equally wonderful characteristics of our white, Latina, Asian, Middle-Eastern & Native American sisters. Not at All.

But today I want to speak to us—the sisters who take care of everyone else—the sisters who go out and earn the money and still raise the family—the sisters who hold it down in an often hostile corporate or professional workplace. The sisters who quietly and patiently endure life’s slights, hurts, set-backs, and disruptions.  Many of who endure them alone without that God intended coverer in the form of a husband or provider.  Many of us are crying inside (I know), many of us are hiding, many of us want someone to say out-loud what we feel everyday—screaming at the top of our lungs (only doing so in our minds).

This is my “love letter” to the ladies who need to hear that they matter too, and that their contributions to our community and to each other will be well remembered generations from now. So often we get trashed at work, betrayed by false friends, battered by deadly words, shunned by weak men, envied by even weaker women who did not have the courage to go out and do what we did but want to reap the benefits just the same.  Don’t let the rest of the world trick you into believing that you are less than, not as valuable as, or somehow born to just “endure”. That is not true dear sisters—it simply is a lie.

Too often we (ME) focus on the bad sisters we have come across.  The ones who have maimed us, maligned us, stabbed us in the back.  We focus on those who we believed loved us and yet who walked away without so much of a warning—we focus on those who told us what we could not be or what we could not achieve.  As TD Jakes so rightly says “Let them GO—they were never meant for you—their part in your story is over. Accept it and move forward.

Shame on us for wasting our life’s precious energy in that way.  We spend far too much time tearing one another down and not building each other up.  Too many of us in positions to be role-models and servants, mentors, and repairers of the so-called breach—instead choose to hide, duck, and leave it to “someone else”. Too many of us in positions of power and influence talk one game, but live another.  Just so you know, no-one is fooled sister—we see you-- You will always know a woman’s heart by how she lives, by the fruit she bears in the form of her service to others, by her sacrifices of self to help others, by her willingness to elevate others higher, and by the impact of her positive deeds not the fleeting nature of her empty words.

We are not only meant to experience joy, love, happiness, and peace of mind—many of us are doing so and many of us are thriving in ways that we never celebrate!  

I have been writing this “love letter” of sorts to my sisters for some months now, but nothing helped to focus me more on what I wanted to say than what I experienced last May in Naples, Florida with over 600 “sisters” from around the country. I was blessed enough to attend as a speaker the 10th annual Odyssey Women’s Network Conference. I am still on a high months later because I had a chance to see who we really are on a full-scale represented in every age, from every region of the country.  I had no earthly idea (and I mean this) that there were so many successful, happily married, mothers of all ages who also happen to be accomplished black female powerhouses in America.  That Is not the picture we see every day and it is one we all need to see more of.

I so needed this experience. I needed to be among my sisters.  I needed to see that despite all that challenges us we are THRIVING and we are navigating, growing, learning, and transforming our lives into the direction of our hopes and dreams.

The world often sees us and describes us as too angry, too independent, too overbearing, too strong, not feminine enough, not “soft” enough, too hard, too bitter, too broken, too shallow, too and on and on. You all know the words.  You have all experienced them in your workplace, and sadly in your families and relationships. Sometimes to be candid those words fit us. I have met the sisters (sadly most of them older than me and who should know better) and sometimes  I have been the sister who was always looking for a fight, always looking to give someone a piece of my mind, always looking to “set her straight”.  Always ready to “box”—when being corrected—always ready to throw a punch back and in doing so miss the message.  

YUCK is all I can say—Get over it and STOP it.

Black women are resilient. They are strong, beautiful, and ever present. While I think many of the strengths we possess as a unique group likely apply to all women, there is no other group of women on earth that shares our great story.  There is no group of women quite like us on earth. Dare I say no form of human being on earth that has demonstrated time and time again the ability to be knocked down, torn down, shattered and yet   We originate from the center of the birthplace of civilization and we have endured the unthinkable.  Embrace all that is wonderful about you sisters and remember we live in special times.  Times that require us to mentor, encourage, uplift and inspire each other and the next generation of sisters!

If I have not love, I am nothing!

Sophia A. Nelson, President of iask

The Gift of Thoughtfulness - All of us like to receive gifts, thank you notes, and words of encouragement. They seem to come at just the right times in our lives.
Yet, so few of us know how to be "thoughtful" and give of ourselves in ways that breathe life and speak goodness into the lives of others.

I think we can all agree that our culture has become very "course" and "thoughtless" as of late.  In his book, "Love as a Way of Life" bestselling author
Dr. Gary Chapman introduces a virtue we rarely celebrate: Courtesy.

In my humble opinion, "Christians" (remember just because you call yourself one does not mean you are reflecting this in your day to day actions and
interactions with others) have lost the heart of our mission--our calling from the Lord.  We are so caught up into how the sermon made me feel, or
whether or not the music made me feel "spirit filled"--or whether or not we dutifully paid our tithes and offerings--that we have forgotten
the greatest command of all folks--"LOVE"; “to love one another” as God loved us.

Love is manifested in how thoughtful we are to our fellow human beings- how kind we are, how courteous we are, how caring and engaged we are.

So today I hope you will practice the gift of thoughtfulness and bless someone today with a call, a note, a gift, a visit, or an invitation just to
spend time.  Watch how blessed you will feel as the giver, and watch how happy you will make the person on whom you bestowed the gift!

From Times of Economic Recession to Personal Transformation – In this time of economic recession, I continuously hear stories of struggle.  Of layoffs. Of pay cuts. Of jobs changed/adjusted/ripped away. Of insurance premiums bubbling.  Of the pain of facing yourself or your family or your significant other or your peers or your friends and having to say, "I lost my job."

In this time of economic recession, I have observed the transition. The shock. The outrage. The disappointment. The panic...

In this time of economic recession, I have also witnessed the transformation.  From panic to acceptance. From acceptance to hurt. From hurt to depression.

So many of us align what we do with who we are.

And when our jobs are no longer our constant, our identities lose footing and stability.  The pain is personal.  We lean on our titles/jobs/roles so heavily, in their absence we feel we may fall into an abyss.  And how can we not when more often than not we are conditioned to believe that our work  defines us?  Think about the last time you met someone (perhaps not even in a professional setting) and the conversation quickly shifted from a name exchange to a "And what do you do?"  It's part of our social DNA.  So when our jobs are no longer a part of our daily routine, what do we do?  Some of us search frantically for another job.  Some of us network. Some of us travel.  Some of us cry. Some of us cry some more.  And then a little more. Some of us question our merits, our credentials, our experiences, our self-worth.  Some of us retrieve inward and question what we did wrong.

In this time of economic recession, I have seen simplicity replace opulence.  I have seen families purge, recognizing that the expensive luxuries are just that. I have seen us return to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, tuna and crackers, fried bologna sandwiches, making a meal out of spam.  Renting movies from the library, staycations. Less designer clothes, more value. And kids pulled out of dance class to spend time instead at home with vinyl spinning and mothers dancing again, arms carelessly in the air, naps gathering sweat at the base of their necks.  Smiles reigning on their daughters.   No longer sitting on the sidelines of the dance studio, behind a sterile glass.  I have seen fathers pushing swings at the local park and sharing .50 double Dutch ice cream cones from the ice cream truck instead of a quick drive-by to Dairy Queen or Rita's Water Ice.  I have seen fewer trips to the mall, more trips to the backyard where catching lightning bugs at night has made five year-olds smile...again.

In this time of economic recession, I have seen us refuel our spirit. I have seen couples lean on each other--for the first time in a long time.  I have seen spouses once left in the shadows emerge from obscurity, provide light and support.  I have seen sons cushion their mothers' falls. Sisters provide shoulders and arms and tissue and smiles to one another.  I have seen the resourcefulness of our people return. I have seen creativity. I have seen resilience.

I have especially seen introspection.  A thoughtful examination of self, unencumbered by titles and positions and money and class.  I have seen crisp Bibles swell with wear. I have seen knees ache from constant bend. I have seen courage and determination and survival and a stubborn refusal, an inability to buckle and fall.  I have seen a return to our innate resilience. Our incapacity to fold, to crumble.

I have seen God being called. And I have seen Him answer--His way and in His time.

In this time of economic recession, I have seen the best in us, the best in YOU. And although it pains me that this economic recession is hurting us, I am thankful that this time has allowed us to see all that is great in each other again--our patience, our flexibility, our courage, our determination, our STRENGTH, our perseverance.  And I hope when this time of economic recession loosens its grip on us, we hold on to this moment, this energy, this strength, this feeling of invincibility...and this love for each other.

In this time of economic recession, I celebrate your spiritual progression, the abundance of all that is great in YOU.

Excerpt from In A Time of Recession

by Uva C. Coles

LDB Press, 2009 (c)

Sophia

Next time you take a look at your makeup brushes remember the following thoughts about Brushing:  Don't brush off verbal abuse. Listen to your gut instincts. Don't tolerate someone addressing you disrespectfully. Paraphrasing from Maya Angelou, "When a person shows you who they are, believe them." If your girlfriend shares a something with you that doesn't feel right, let them know, don't dismiss it. Tell her something like, "What he said to you was really out of line".

Don’t brush emotional abuse under the carpet. Don’t make excuses for unacceptable behavior. “Oh, he’s are under a lot of stress at work.” “He said he didn’t really mean to do it and promised he would never do it again.” It is never okay to physically abused.

Don’t brush it off your shoulders when someone devalues your interests, dreams and aspirations or doesn’t genuinely appreciate you for who you are as you are. Allowing that, slowly eats away at your spirit. It leads to self-doubt, low self-esteem, poor self-concept and ultimately you lose a sense of self.